WHEN it comes to sex, all too often people are scared to ask embarrassing questions.
But TV’s Married At First Sight sex therapist Charlene Douglas has seen and heard it all.
In her new book she reveals the most common sex-related queries and offers practical tasks to improve your love life.
Speaking exclusively to The Sun, Charlene says: “When you tell people you’re a sex therapist they often react with surprise.
“But much of my work involves exploring the human mind and helping people overcome obstacles that prevent them from having a healthy sex life.”
From how to have an orgasm to the best time to have sex, Charlene answers the questions you are too scared to ask . . .
How do I have an orgasm?
Around 80 per cent of women struggle to achieve orgasm through penetrative sex alone.
Many women can orgasm through solo play but struggle in relationships due to performance pressure.
To address these issues, it is important to take practical steps: Spend time massaging your body, create a playlist of relaxing music, introduce sex toys, and focus on the sensations of being touched.
This approach can help women become more attuned to their bodies and reduce anxiety, making it easier to achieve orgasm.
Why can’t I keep an erection?
When it comes to sexual dysfunction in men, three main areas stand out: Premature ejaculation, delayed ejaculation and erectile dysfunction (ED).
Although statistics suggest ED affects older men, many of the younger generation also struggle with it, often due to performance anxiety and past negative sexual experiences.
One young, attractive client resorted to avoiding relationships and another told me how he was haunted by his ex-girlfriend rolling her eyes when he couldn’t keep it up.
To avoid making ED worse, partners should be supportive.
The first step for anyone experiencing ED should be consulting a doctor to rule out any medical issues.
How can I last longer in bed?
Premature ejaculation (PE), often occurring just a minute in to intercourse, can be a distressing and embarrassing problem for many males — as can delayed ejaculation, or the inability to ejaculate, especially for couples trying to conceive.
One client was terrified to tell his new partner about his struggle with PE.
But when he finally confided in her, she told him she preferred oral sex anyway.
They focused on that first and, once she was satisfied, they had sex.
As he relaxed, he actually lasted longer without even trying.
When is the best time to have sex?
The best times for sex are often Friday evening and Saturday morning, when people are more relaxed after a long week.
Preferences vary, some enjoy morning sex, while others prefer evenings.
Hygiene concerns can affect morning intimacy.
Difficulty discussing sexual preferences may indicate broader communication issues.
Communication is key to a healthy sex life and can strengthen your bond.
How often should we be having sex?
People often compare themselves to what they think is “normal” when it comes to sex, looking for a specific number, like twice a week or three times a month.
Stats suggest once a week is typical, but remember, it’s about quality not quantity.
If you have sex once a month and it’s amazing, that’s perfectly fine.
The key is finding what works best for you and your partner, rather than adhering to societal expectations.
Can sex toys ruin real sex?
If you’re overly reliant on your sex toy and not open to other forms of intimacy, it could be an issue.
But sex toys can be great for understanding your body and enhancing intimacy with your partner.
Being creative and including sex toys in your relationship can be fun, especially with visual partners who like to watch.
There are also remote-controlled devices, which are great for couples, especially those in long-distance relationships.
Use them to enhance your intimate experiences, not replace them.
How do we go back to the honeymoon period?
Life is ever-changing and so are we.
What worked in the past may not work now.
It is important to reintroduce playfulness and flirting into your relationship.
Be intentional about spending quality time together and set a date night once a week.
Compliments and genuine attention often get overlooked amid busy schedules, with work being the primary excuse.
Combat this by sending flirty messages or suggestive photos throughout the day to make your partner eager to come home to you, reminding them of the passion and desire that brought you together in the first place.
How do I get my libido back after kids?
Many new mothers often feel overwhelmed by the changes in their bodies and struggle to feel sexy or desired.
Raising children is a demanding, full-time job, leaving little room for adult intimacy.
On top of that their hormones are everywhere and they can feel very emotional and alone at times.
Partners must be understanding and proactive in scheduling quality time together.
Small things like taking the kids when you get back from work, running a nice bath and cooking a romantic dinner can help put your partner in the mood.
But it’s important not to put pressure on them, as this will have the opposite effect.
How do I get my sex drive back after the menopause?
Many women are caught off guard by its onset and mistake symptoms for other issues.
Relationship problems arise when partners misinterpret changes in behaviour or libido.
Clients often worry they have lost desire for sex or attraction to their partners.
I encourage seeking medical advice for diagnosis and treatment.
Honest conversations with your partner are vital.
With the right support and understanding, couples can navigate this difficult time together.
How can I get over my porn addiction?
Ethical porn can enhance bedroom experiences, but it becomes problematic when it affects relationships.
Increasingly, women are turning to porn and will often feel ashamed afterwards.
Excessive consumption can make real sex unappealing.
One client spent up to five hours a day on porn, barricading himself with multiple screens.
Another woman watched it all bank holiday weekend and felt so ashamed afterwards that she couldn’t face her colleagues when she returned to work.
Loneliness, boredom, and unfulfilling relationships often drive this behaviour.
Therapy focuses on addressing these underlying issues to promote healthier habits and relationships.
- Come Closer: Everything You Ever Wanted To Ask A Sex And Relationship Therapist, by Charlene Douglas, (DK) £16.99, is available now at Waterstones, Amazon and bookshop.org.